last day of term 2~

surprisingly, i wasnt as well, happy, as i am supposed to be-
or i thought i might be.

perhaps its because the start of this hols would mean
that olvls is nearing, time is running out.

got a rather high L1R5,
but dad wasnt reprimanding as usual.
instead, he posted me this qn in an exceptionally calm manner:
" so what are u planning to do?"

yeah.

well.
make gd use of this june hols i suppose.

dad made me a timetable.
and im supposed to fill in what im supposed to do each day.

i filled in the colors.
pale green for tuitions.
pale blue for sch remedials.
pale orange for hol homework.
cobalt blue for entertainment. one and a half a section.

&more..

but seriously, im not a planner at all,
so i really dont know where and how to start..

i turned to dad.

but.
he was busy helping george to arrange his hol homework
so that he could bring back to china to complete.

dad completely ignored me.
as though i wasnt even there.
as though.
i dont know.

well, so i tried filling in more colours.
yeah, and soon, in front of me was a rainbow look-a-like -_-

yes, it looks nice,
no, its meaningless.

once again, i asked my parents for help.

" u shud read this during your holidays..( continue to read a few paragraphs from the book)... ok?"

dad was talking to george ,who wasnt even paying the slightest bit of attention.

" where did u put the stapler?"
mom said.

silence.

" why is it that everytime i talk to this girl, she doesnt seem to hear me..?"
oh, so she was talking to me.

but, since when were they listening to me either?

its wasnt once or twice that when i spoke to my dad,
or request help from him, he ignored me totally.

i knew he heard me,
but he never really bothered to reply me.

well, unless it was a maths qn or sth.

at least mum and i could talk.

but after mum and george leave for china tmr,
i guess all that i have is loneliness.

dad would definitely never ask me how was my day,
nor would he care if i like what he cooked for dinner.
perhaps he might not even bother to cook.

somehow, im starting to look forward to his business trip.
i rather be home alone.

he is nice and everything to me.
but he love me only as well, a child, his child-
its his responsibility to bring me up make sure i have a bright future.
he has nvr loved me as his daughter perhaps.
for he'd rather love his son more.

yes, im jealous.
and thats childish.
i know.

but sometimes i really wonder what some frens teased about were true-
that i like soh because i craved for fatherly love.

maybe he only cared abt the outer me,
not the me inside...

maybe thats why he doesnt even noe that while im supposed to plan my holidays, im here blabbering.

just hope that mummy will come back soon.
and georgie too, even though we always fight a lot.

i really miss them i will.


[=


three of them share a room.
i was left out.
sometimes i wonder,
did they really feel my existence?

9:04 PM ·